so difficult

Well... therapy yesterday was very hard. We are still dealing with my childhood. It is a struggle... even from the physical and mental abuse I still feel guilty for cutting myself off from my parents. My therapist says that I have to. He understands the guilt but the lies and evilness I was fed as a child has lead to where I am now. It has made me weak when I wanted to be strong. I blame myself for everything and my entire self image was built in the childhood years. He links all the lies I was told as a child ( fat, stupid, gutter trash etc) makes it difficult if not almost impossible for me to believe any thing else. It is going to be a long road. thank goodness I have steve to hold me up in the worst of times

stir crazy

Well maybe blogging is a better way to get things out of my mind instead of holding them or putting them on FB... I really am tired of FB because there is alot of drama, people begging for help but not willing to give it. I find my anger growing instead of fading. I have had it under control for quite awhile and I am struggling to keep it that way.
I wish that I could do something but the same ol same ol... but I am afraid of the world and all the terrible things in it. I don't want to play there anymore -- I am not stable enough anymore.
I work really hard at my therapy... that does help. But its a long road... and I don't know that anyone really understands that. Its like if the ETC's and therapy I have had so far should have fixed it.
I have such deep feelings of guilt and shame. I would love to be free from that and not blame myself for every little thing... and I mean EVERY little thing.