So.... day three with no alcohol.... I just want to see if I can do it. I want to see if I lose any weight... that will be a big factor on how this goes.
I read a PTSD article that said it almost always causes some type of addiction. I don't want to be an addict. I would like to be able to have a drink without HAVING to have a drink.
I have to fight for myself... no one else is going to. I want to be "ok" and doing some drastic things to do that. Selling the house, moving away from this place, trying to quit drinking... maybe smoking will be next.
There are no guarantee's .... but at least I am trying.
I have most of the house packed.... the stuff that is not essential for day to day living. Still have more to go.... but I still have 5 weeks.... Steve pointed that out. I just don't want to panic at the last minute ( and we all know that I will)
Today is therapy.... good times. UG! I am going thursday for my liver test.... I am sure there is nothing there... but whatever.
I do know that I am lonely and sad.... but what else is new. One of these days maybe I will be able to pull my head out of my ass and get on with actually living. It makes it hard when there are very few people that you trust.... I just think that people expect me to be what I cannot be. If that drives them away then oh well....
Steve offered to buy me a puppy to keep me busy. But boy would that send Hendrix over the edge... I think he is getting used to being an only 'child'
So that my thoughts for today- random, pathetic, whatever.... it is what it is.

So... been a bad bit of business around here lately. I think everyone in the entire family is stressed beyond our stretching points--- we are all having different issues but we are all struggling.
This whole house mess and the realtor being a total piece of crap has me stretched beyond control.... I couldn't go near him today because I would have bitch slapped him --- lying sack of shit.
Steve is at wits end... with the whole family in turmoil and then I did something I shouldn't have on Tues... but I failed at it of course.... couldn't get it right and just ended up with a mess instead of a result.
Things need to settle down for all of us.... we deserve some peace..... but we all have each other to lean on.

so its been a few since I blogged... alot going on. I think the messed upmy ECT this time... its like I didn't even have one.... thats a bad thing. Steve and I had "trouble" monday but after about 4 hours it worked out. I was not acting "right" or rational and he basically had to sit on me for 4 hours. Part of the disease.... I have no control sometimes. :(
We got an offer on the house last night and it is a bunch of crap!!! they basically want me to hand over the keys and walk away.... Ya know... that doesn't work for me. If I accepted the offer I would end up homeless. My realtor is not working for me --- he never has. He knows the score and I have made damn sure that he knew the score... did he do what was in MY best intrest... HELL NO... jack ass.... I am just livid... so is steve. But I have managed to make it so far with out bawling my eyes out or having to take thorazine.... I consider that a triumph.... life sucks.....