Promised

I promised my dear friend that I would blog today even though I really don't think anyone gives a rats ass....Maybe her but that is cuz she is so sweet.
I had nightmares last night so I woke up agitated...I wrote down what I remembered in my journal, it sucks not to remember because then when you try to tell some one about it it just comes across as stupid.
I managed to get through the morning and afternoon thanks to my meds and a little help from Bacardi.
Then we went to mom and dads so Steve could try and fix their car.... I made the mistake of looking at the local paper.... there was a front page article about the credit union and the history... including the embezzelment. And the chairman of the board acted like he and all the other board members did when it happened and in the two years following... lacsidasical... The attitude of --shit happens--- well they could think that because it wasn't them she was making death threats to etc.... I dropped the paper like it was a snake... and had to leave in the middle of a visit with my parents to get my meds.
Steve stopped at the store that is a block from my parents house and left me in the escape with Hendrix while he ran in to see if they had my favorite ice cream--- something that was planned prior to the news paper shit. And lo and behold there I sat facing the care of that slutty whore who cost me my job with the Army...
I have to be honest .... It took every ounce of will power not to walk over and key that fucking sluts car.... I was having trouble breathing when steve came out of the store... I came home- flipped out -- cried... did a post on face book- realized some people have dropped me from the "friends" list. ( what a joke) and I came even more unglued.... I was out of control by now.
I have barely calmed down and am FURIOUS with myself.... I let this crap get to me AGAIN.... no wonder no one wants anything to do with me- I am a damn psycho.... I can't even stand myself... how can I expect anyone else to????
I hate myself -- I hate my "life" -- trust is not in my vocabulary-- and I am tired --- sick and tired... My therapist keeps saying its hard work.... but no matter what I try I will never get my life back. It was stolen from me by some rotten "people" (and I use the term loosly) and the worst part is I let them... I succumbed to the bullshit and horror that my life became 7 years ago and I will never get it back.
The End