what a week!

So... its been pretty wild the past 6 days.... one thing after another... had a couple of meltdowns- but I am working on it. I have had Kashi calling and texting and emailing... she said she wanted her space... took it to an extreme and didn't consider the fact that she was doing what everyone else I have let close to me has done. But I finally talked to her and all she could talk about was how things affected her. Like I had no clue what PTSD does to someone. The longer she did the me-me-me thing the angrier I became. She had no interest in what her extreme actions did to me and the fact that she did what they have all done.... betrayed and devestated me.
When I finally ended the conversation I was angry... but ok. That surprised me. I think that is some type of progress.
I haven't been having nightmares since I upped my trazadone. I am going to call my psychiatrist and talk to him about it. I think that is making a bit of a difference in how I am handling things.
But I am working hard. I am thinking about writing about what has happened and the journey that I am going through to try and heal.